Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Aria's Pages 1-3 Pencils

establishing shot in panel one, 
panel 2: wiping brow, looking at clock
panel 3: looking around and taking flask out of coat pocket
panel 4: shrugging into coat while taking a swig
open cityscape at the bottom

panel 1: starting car
panel 2: finding note
panel 3: checking wallet
open panel of parking lot
panel 4: liquor store
panel 5: santa
panel 6: donation

panel 1: entering store
panel 2: exiting store
panel 3: waving to Santa
panel 4: shuttered bay of garage (warehouse windows); graffiti
panel 5: trashcan fire in ally, shadowy figures huddled around it
panel 6: posted sign on building; more graffiti.

All right so here are my suggestions

Aria said she had some struggles and that usually clues us in that something about the decisions we've made isn't working for the project.

The biggest change I made here was in the buildings at the bottom of the page-- Aria is working in a cartoony style which is established in that first panel where we are looking flat on through the dining area and into the kitchen-- absolutely nothing wrong with that and I actually like it.

So when we get to those buildings at the bottom and she's pulling out her fancy book knowledge on perspective it doesn't match-- so I opted for a simpler shot straight on which now balances nicely with the first panel.
I also varied the sizes of the buildings-- you could work in the 1 point perspective you started with and you've got a solid base there but your buildings are too consistent in size and shape and that's why (I'm guessing you're unhappy with them).

So for the change I varied the sizes, and I added some details as well as some overlap-- buildings often sit in front of other buildings from this angle because you're seeing the back side of the other side of the block.  I emphasize this with a nice fire escape complete with laundry hanging off it.

Aria recognized the number 1 rule of drawing big urban east coast cities, and that is to include water towers.  They are everywhere on rooftops in New York City and something Marvel Comics always insists on in their backgrounds.

The car exiting the alley allows us a chance to have blacks-- in this case all the road including the alley way-- the white headlights will draw the readers eye to the exiting car.

Middle panels I only suggested lowering the figure in panel 3 and tilting his head back and seeing the flask as he takes a swig-- and showing the car in the alley as he walks out.  Nice action with him putting on his coat there.

Page 2 I like very much-- I don't think there's much I'd change except just moving Santa over towards the car more and adding his donation bucket.

Page 3

Page 3 is not finished, so I'll hold crits until it us, but as you have it now, add another panel to the top row.
First because it creates a better balance for the overall page to have four panels sitting on top of three, which prevents the reader from seeing it as three long panels and an ad for a 1976 Gran Torino Two Door Coupe De Luxe-- and mostly because it will allow panel two to show TIME pass as he's in the store.  How you show that is up to you.

It could be Santa ringing the bell.  It could be a shot looking into the store in silhouette through the door with an OPEN sign with him at a cash register, whatever you decide you need to show some time passes, otherwise it looks like he went in, grabbed a free flyer in the entrance and came back out.

I like the car breaking the panels at the bottom with the images behind.  I'd make one of those images, preferably new panel 5 of him behind the wheel and we need to make sure the car looks like it's driving.  We can do the corny dust clouds I have here or something else but you want to make sure it looks like it's traveling (and not speeding).

Nice work Aria!